“You can try dem tings deh with another gyal. No man can style the g”
– Alkaline, 2017.
Living my best life includes breaking away from the people that don’t see anything wrong in their actions; constantly forfeit their true feelings for pride; shift the blame without introspection and refuse to react in love.
Today I affirm that I am enough and I am love. Most things that I do stem from love and if I ever do have a partner, I am not wrong to expect effort and the same amount of love shown back. I cannot settle and refuse to let those incapable of expressing the love that I deserve, dictate my benchmarks and threshold for tolerance and patience with them. My standards are there to be met especially if they have been compromised before.
Today I confirm and remind myself that although love is an integral aspect of a relationship, it is not and never will be enough. To me, love is radial and is correctly activated when it is expressed through gestures, words, actions and willingness. I no longer have time for the love that loves the idea of me and all I am, but rather the love that loves me and all I am. I affirm that I am a magnet that attracts fulfilling energy: anybody and anything that truly loves me in the best way will attract itself to me and will stay for however long it needs to. I shouldn’t need to have heated debates over affection or the lack of it thereof. If love cannot be displayed then I can question its presence in the first place.
I accept that loving me is not always easy but I also accept that loving me is not hard! It can be learned and it is a journey, however, I refuse to confuse this with waiting for someone to do right by me. The key word of any journey is progress and with out identifying progress, it is easy to trick ourselves into waiting forever for a change that was never going to happen. As much as I would love for everything to work out and be better, I have to remind myself that I deserve a present type of love and not a promised future type of love. I cannot accept the promises of the future if someone cannot show their capabilities now. Love thrives in many other places through many other people who are willing to learn and prioritise me, learn love, express love, be present and thrive in it also.
Grow in love always.
(Still a gangster 4 life)